Day 17: Reflection

So although I can't send this out until I find some wifi, I am writing this in the heart of a Redwood reserve. I've just eaten an American hotdog and listening to a bloke playing country music. The sun is out, but its not overly hot, even though its just turned 1pm.  It's my last Saturday in the states. I can't quite believe it, and the adventure has been so worth while.  It's had it's downs, but thankfully many more ups.

I've still got several days to go, but I think this might be my last chance to sit and relax. Every other day from now until I fly home is full of driving, island prisons and baseball.

Before I set out I had three goals: 1) to write, see if I could write and to find a way to continue writing past this sabbatical, 2) to make contacts in the US and discover what similarities/differences our two countries, and more specifically Dioceses/churches, have with one another, 3) to prove to myself that a trip like this is possible, and that I can expand my comfort zone.

On the whole I think I've achieved all of them, and more!

The writing retreat was so good, supportive and I learnt so much in such a short space of time. I'm so far from learning all the tips and tricks of the trade, but I've a new appreciation of what writers have to go through. More importantly I've discovered that more then just enjoying writing, I actually love it. It's been a week since I left Bishop's Ranch and I've continued to write and develop the story. Technically only one chapter is written, and will get tweaked more I'm sure, but I've fleshed out the next three chapters, plus the overall storyline, the ending, and (lol) a couple of sequels :S  the nice thing is, I can honestly call myself a writer and I know now that this is something I will continue doing and expanding, and who knows where it will end up.

I've certainly made contacts in the US. Some great contacts from Bishop's Ranch staff to people in the El Camino Real Diocese, from new friends in and around San Francisco to just generally feeling comfortable in the area.  The overall impression I get between our two dioceses is there is such a close similarity in both the problems and the solutions that the twinning makes so much sense. We can both learn from each other and also compliment each others work. It's a really good thing. But there are also very real cultural differences that keeps the partnership interesting and fresh. I hope it lasts for a very long time. I would also like to take this opportunity to thank everyone I've met for their hospitality and generosity.  It's made something which is very difficult and unnatural for me, easy and enjoyable.

On that note I come to my last objective, and the hardest to quantify in many ways.  I've done the trip and survived it so far :) so that's one tick. Although I like to think I come across well, personable and friendly, meeting new people and just making conversation is very hard for me. I'm naturally shy and introverted. I have this trick. I let people in so far, sharing something personal so that on some level we connect, but then hold more back almost like a safety blanket.  Just the fact I'm sat outside surrounded by people, and writing this, is a big step forward for me. It makes me feel uncomfortable and self conscious, but I'm doing it!  I guess the more I do it, the more comfortable it will become. And that's the real trick.

I don't think I can answer the third target until I get back home for a month or more.  I need to trust people a little more and not be afraid to let them in.  I also need to be comfortable with myself, both alone and with people.  Not cover up my self consciousness with sarcasm.
So it's now 1.45pm, and I've been sat writing in and amongst people for 45mins. That's a good start right?  So off now for more hiking and then back to Mary's.

Ratty signing off o/